SAN JOSE, CA—Grimacing as he delved deeper into the article, local man Carter Lee reportedly found himself souring on the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria on Monday after reading the “Controversies” section of the militant group’s Wikipedia page. “Holy shit—ISIS does what to unbelievers?” said Lee, recoiling in horror as he viewed a blurred-out image of a jihadist holding a severed head. “Oh my God, blowing up the Temple of Baalshamin was super lame. Shit, do these guys really sell children into sex slavery? I thought this group was just about friends and good times! It’s wild how many people walk around in ISIS merch without considering the more problematic aspects. All right, it’s settled: I’m canceling my monthly recurring donation.” Sources confirmed Lee sought to console himself with the knowledge that even if he could no longer in good conscience support ISIS, he would always have al-Qaeda.
