Supergirl, starring Milly Alcock, opens this weekend. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film.
Q: What is the premise?
A: A female superhero must single-handedly save the world as she knows it after the catastrophic collapse of interest in the genre.
Q: Is Superman in this one?
A: Why? You don’t think Supergirl can carry a movie on her own? She needs a man’s help? Yes. He’s in it.
Q: Is Supergirl related to Superman?
A: Yes, but they’re only cousins, so romance is still on the table.
Q: How long is it?
A: Two hundred and ninety-nine punches.
Q: If she’s an adult, then why isn’t she called “Superwoman?”
A: Women can’t fly.
Q: What is Supergirl’s power?
A: Securing lucrative ad partnerships with Waymo, Ulta, and KFC.
Q: Why are so many male fans unhappy with it?
A: It isn’t pornography.
